Sigh 😔 when my coworker did give me stress & others stressor from working there. Stressor of family claiming it okay if mother abuusee me. It help me a lot from 2020 through now.
I listen to this song month before my injuries. 9/11/2020 and without it I think I might given up a bit.
~ Ay,we bravely just Shout
"Just Say it all"
Fighting against the
world, Don’t wanna die
But so much pain, too much crying So many ups and downs “dulled blades”
Me; Didn’t want to diee because I was afraid of going to hell. I thought maybe I did deserve it for not being the greatest person and working on myself for once. Maybe I did deserve the abusee and trauma and now I’m in pain for life. Would I die suffering in hell as well. Those thoughts was when I was injured and slowly losing everything one by one with extreme pain. Half of the Family claim it was okay for me to be abusee.
I was torment and make fun of all my life and now company with money have inflicted nerve damage, delay of life saving surgerical procedure and fibromyalgia upon me. Purposely stalking me and my every move like I did something wrong to them when that shittty supervisor and human resource aunt enable the toxic coworker behavior. If I stood up against it I was causing “drama”. When it comes to them calling out they didn’t give a Fuckk. Favorite them to move to shift earlier as well.
When Deborah came she didn’t tolerate them and fired them. She helped me because she knew I have some sort of nerves issues and want to make a case against them with the help of a kinder human resource Ashley from the main plant. She knew, that I can seek justice. Even though I didn’t know what was happening at that time, they choose to save my life even Workercomp Doctor Ms. Ransom knew it was very serious and protect me from that cruel company. They work for them but still risk their job for me. I’m very privileged and they did send guidance. 🥺 Still have guilt for many who diee every year or the past centuries with no justice. 😭 They diee without much help, but I still survive with a lot of help. 🥲
We are bullet bullet bulletproof, In the face of negative views, we did it
We wisely prevented all the bad memories and many trials. Bullet proof I always think maybe it still in my dreams.
Was it really spring that came to end of long winter?
Everyone laughed at me, and I was ashamed of my name, this is proof of steel “BULLETPROOF”.
Many traumatic events, harassment and medical gaslighting me wasn’t fun. I still survive those painful spring and winters. They all laugh and mock at me strangers, family, medical provider, government workers, evil witch who trapped me for 10 month, her son who inflict harm laugh at my nerve pain shooting dart at me, harming my cat, pedobbbeae witch who try to use me for money because I want to repay my aunt and cousin who fed me and help me during stupid apartment issues management who laugh at me. Prior 2019-2020 Everyone in that red neck state during school would laugh at my name Pakuja but they didn’t know it was my heaven name given by my shaman grandma when my Vang father adopt me when I was 2. It meant something more than their name. Glitter gold flower. I used to hate it but realized that all of them who make fun of me is getting nowhere in life until this day. And no one know them and their name. Learn why BTS called them bulletproof in Korea because they endured hardship and shame from many people who laugh and made fun of them. Look at how far they grew when I first was their fan in 2016.
(Yeah we got to heaven)
Throw all the things at me
im not afraid of it anymore
We are (2×) together bulletproof
(Yeah we have you,have you)
I used to be so scared of people harming me because I knew it will happen. When they fired my aunt I knew in the future if something bad happen to me they going make me suffered because of her. I was right it did happen. I felt the grudge the whole time. I’m not scared of people no more because God protect me the best he can and show many rainbow every month with or without rain to not give up on life. I won’t go to hell at all. Maybe to heaven with many cats. A paradise with me and those cute furry creature hopefully with some tigers, cheetah, and bobcats too. Not scared of them causing harm because if I do die soon or later I won’t have to see them in my heaven.
Tell me your every story
Tell me why you dont stop this
Tell me why you still walking
walking,With US
(Yeah we get to heaven)
I didn’t know people would care about my story. My mother would forcedd me to rip out my diary about how cruel she was. I learn when typing my pain journal it was reminder of how cruel of many people was towards me and how I want to give up on life so badly. When I reread it all I realized that God has a plan for me and my story. I can help someone who suffering similar situation with guiding them and giving them advice about legal situations. Finding second opinions, getting medical insurance in different state and treatment. Different laws for every state and laws for hospitals. Laws can be federal and constitutional despite what state laws requiresd. Retaining evidence before it gets change from medical records. Recording evidence of crime/ malpractice is federal and be used against you despite state laws. Finding a lawyer who will help you for you and not pay over $100 and more for a lawyer over social security, personal injuries and human civil rights because it mean those lawyers that are charging you upfront want to scam you for money and pretend to help you but to lose your case. The ones I have luckily warn me about corruptive situation and told me why they can’t represent me or to try to find new one. They never charge me upfront or represent me to lose in court with them because they knew my hardship and want me to win. Yes they get compensation when they win the case in court they get like 25 percentage or so forth. I think not on divorce lawyer, private one about criminal case and traffic ticket attorney because it more front forwards up cost $500 and quick case hearing or complex.
Many people read my pain journal and understood how difficult it was for me. To be torment constantly by everyone and now to be pain until I diee. It unfair when many people are getting away with harming me and want me to diee. They were on my side it was 50/50 against the one who didn’t want to loose money or be held for accountability for their greed. I wasn’t alone because many want me to win even though I didn’t want this in the first place. I know if I do win I want to help people who live difficult hardship and to help the one who helped me along the way, it wasn’t fun. I hope to change people prospective about God. He’s real and did capture every rainbow he send me and the date. God doesn’t discriminate any religion and he very forgivable. If you do repent your sin and become a better human being. He didn’t like the one who cause those abusee but want me to save other from their abuseer . If I diee there be no law against those vile people and to prevent those things happening constantly everyday: They lose their job, health, home, car and their life. I’m lucky to keep surviving because they all believe in me when I don’t at times. Even God believe in me the most. Sending 🌈. The reason why BTS is famous because they work hard, respect others and write songs to not give up on life. I have a story and people are willing to listen to my story when many at school laugh at the thought of my trauma and story. They say get over it and no one cares. Toward them no one care about your story or the way you’re for being so mean and vile. Thinking it okay for people to cause trauma and abusee because they can get away with it. People do care for my story. Even when I heard this song 5 years ago I thought about how people laugh and mock me and say no one give a shiit about you Crystal deal with it. Now I realize I do have many stories many struggle and people do care for me as a human being. You hateful ppl in nc cause nothing but hate!
🥹 Lyric from Suga aka August D, these lyrics are my favorite and to know that I’m not alone: Many people feel alone with enemies as their colleague. The one who trapped me for 10 months with her evil son. This pedobeaar “aunt” who did laugh at my controversy ended up having cancer for mocking my suffering. Play victim like other typical 304 with kids. Dude you ever think it the reason why single mothers like them is the main reason men leave. They’re short temp, crazy and over dramatic causing them to cheat. . God is watching and looking out for me but I hope you pray & talk to him about your struggle and plan to find a way to get out of that situation and to be free& happy for once. Favorite BTS because they do sing about anxiety, depression, hopelessness, pain, wanting to diee but can’t, trauma and making through their struggles.
It may be very difficult, this road I've walked on It may have looked like a flower path But, know that it was a thorny path with enemies everywherе I hope you never forgеt the one who throw flowers on the road for you When you're laughing, don't forget the one who cries 'Cause they live a day on your smile When you get erased in the repeating schedule It's okay to feel overewhelmed, if it's too much for you, you can take a little rest Cry out loud when the world gets ugly When the hand that greeted you turned into a pointing finger You can take a deep sigh and shout "This shit is fucked up" Because you are no different from anyone else Why did you choose this painful and lonely road Never forget the reason, even if time passes I hope your dream won't just be left as a dream I'll cheer you on anytime, anywhere (Dream)
This is a battlefield without gunshots
Your colleagues are also your enemies
The cruel and beautiful good and evil that numbers determines
If I can't kill others, I must die
This scene isn't a ring, so why kill someone?
When you hate something you simply used to like
When wishes are blown away by the wind
It's okay, everything becomes memories and lessons when you look past it
Don't forget, the world isn't very patient
Don't ever laugh at other people's controversies
Because that might happen to you someday
Your success will be your leash and shackles
The feeling of walking on a tightrope will suffocateee you
Just laugh out loud, as if the world is leaving
Just hold on
Wherever you are
I hope your dream won't just be left as a dream
I'll cheer you on anytime, anywhere (Dream)
Everything will be okay, everything will be okay
Everything will be okay, everything will be okay
Everything will be okay, everything will be okay
Everything will be okay, everything will be okay
Everything will be okay, everything will be okay
Everything will be okay, everything will be okay
Everything will be okay, everything will be okay
Everything will be okay, everything will be okay
Dream, I will be there for you in your creation 'til the end of your life
Dream, Be generous, wherever you might be
Dream, You will fully bloom, after all the hardships
Dream, The beginning may be humble, but the future will be prosperous
Lose so many friends from childhood through now. Being delete but not block lol 😂 🥺🥺 They did shed so many light in my life. I don’t blame them. 😭😭😭 It’s get depressing but if they’re in pain I be upset as well too. I understand no ill hatred. I was sad that many deleted me. 🥺 They did encourage to not give up. Then they knew it’s someone with money and governmental power. 😭😭😭 I always wish them to be with good people and have happiness. Hated how I couldn’t even escape the abuseee. It’s unfair I been fighting all my life against it. I pray they be happy and content in whatever life brings them. They all value me as a human being. 😔 They all knew how depresssing the unnecessary life struggles is. Promise if I live I repay them their kindness even if they deleted me! They’re sad that I’m sufffering. It’s unfair. I remember the things they say towards me and that I need to stand up for myself. Don’t be so sad. It hard to not be sad because im exhausted of living. Sigh 😔 a hateful family, place, people who manifest harm, and rather take it to the extreme. I remember I did nothing bad to anyone. Even if I did hurt someone feeling I apologize for it. Not toward toxic 304 who play victims 24/7. They get mad for being exposed as a bad human being. Smh 🤦♀️ I know how them women be acting like my mother 2face Hippocripe person relying on man for everything like money, food and medication 💊 . Smh 🤦♀️ I learn in life to not be like her and not be like them 304.
I hate it when people take photos of me and mess up my angles and vision smh 🤦♀️ The first one I took by myself and the 🌹 May 17 2022 Still fighting for my life still 🥹🥲
Someone irritated me so much and think I want to spend my whole life living in a damn car. It exhausting asf. I hate summer the most cause it get hot 24/7. Very angry! 😡 I rather have room to have a real bed and to have kitties. Private place. I only live in car because I want to travel and save up money for land and tiny house which would have been 2 years. My credit score was so good 780 😭 4 credit card equal 12000$ cry 😭 Tired of the housing market. Tired of the stupid apartment and neighbors and having people watch me. Ugh I have this shitty white neighbor who thought she was shittt in gymnastic but if she was good she would been in Olympic lmfao 😂. She spread rumors that my dad was abusive to this white girl at school. She and her brothers be cutting the rope to my treehouse. I never like living in a white neighborhood very disrespectful and very nosey! I really don’t like living in one during spring/summer because it get really hot and then car issues. Sigh 😔 I would have have enough money for newer car. Stupid shit cause by mostly white self centered evil people and Hmong people the most! I hate you Nancy Yang & Chia Yang and the Hmong people who cause harm towards me in Nc! The pedobear Aunt and people who talk crap about me! You ain’t get nothing from me but karma. Hmm 🤔 Thank God he give you that condition old hag!
I woke up to a happy dream for once. I used to work at McDonald and saw old managers. It was weird because I haven’t seen them forever or talk to them. Strange dream. Drive through they give me a cake and celebrate my birthday. 🎂 it was a stitch design on. It was weird and they put random Asian guy worker his name that I never knew in real life. To say it from it. They put my real adoptive name. Crystal V. Instead of my real birth last name with the c. I wasn’t crazy for stitch because I think he look like a weird blue alien. I like that quote Lilo: "'Ohana" means "family." "Family" means "no one gets left behind." But if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you though. I guess I been under appreciated lately and sense of happiness when I woke up sigh. Then I remember Abby & Alison of how their mom enable her son abuse just like my mother and brother. I have to save them because Abby love Leo and stitch and I thrift shop for stitch for her. She has mini collection of it. Repeat trauma and learn lessson to make it different. They say the same thing when I leave forever they miss me. Sigh 😔 I guess because I been so depressed and used up. That simple birthday cake made me happy I guess because my managers always appreciate me. Sadly the ones who cause my injuries never did. 🥺🥺 Out of the whole workplace that supervise and human resource Aunt love to protect lazy unethical white/asian people. Yes stitch has no family but Leo adopted him as family. Remind me of my friends they created hello kitty birthday cake for me and hello kitty stuff for my birthday. 🎂 Even if we drift away from toxicness of their personality. I understand that they were depresss and need to grow. Life is difficult. They did help me but they need mental help and support. It hard to live a life with lot of struggle and stress.
Sorry been stress out 🥺🥺🥺 honestly don’t care for people. Karma did the bidding. Tolerate so much bs, this person was disgusted n let his bro abuse me n beg for me to stay inside. Notice red flags. He let him do whatever. Harm me and the cats. Sigh 😔 audacity to try to stay inside my place of peace and quiet. He was very hostile toward me when I visit kitty and pressure sexxx upon me when I beg no. Kitty kitty love me all 5 of them. They were my therapy. I notice the most was that they both cuddle each other as twin. It was creepy because I never seen that. When I’m cold 🥶 he act vile against me. I notice the difference when I broke my leg how evil & toxic he was. I was there for kitties because they make me happy especially tiger kitty love to sleep right next to me n step on me while I’m sleeping. Ralp the fat cat get jealous and attack them if the kitty come to me smh 🤦♀️. The only thing they keep me stress free is the kitty. He lie, cheat & steal. Refuse to go back because he don’t want to pay bills. 💵 I just miss the tiger kitty and the bigger one. Ralph I love to mess with him. He was sad that I couldn’t walk and notice I was in pain lol 😂 he used me for food then get grouchy n scratch me . That when he actually fight back only toward the cat who scratch me but when it come to his brother trying to raaape me or harm me with his dog he don’t do shhhittt! I don’t believe in a damn prince more like thirsty lying mofo. They all endured bs!
Step out of the moment That's been trappin' you in all this negativity of hatred and insanity Don't dwell on the past, it's time to make a change- Suga
I feel really sad why men defend about toxic ex’s honestly if they did care for you they want the best for you. I believe relationships should just be 2 in 2. Constantly Hear how one does nothing and do whatever they want for their crazy need and complain 24/7x. The other be used up. Vice Versa. If they really cherish you they would just respect you as a whole person and work on themselves to be a better person and fix their mental health. I learn the hard way. It’s too late to live forever. Drain by toxic people to the point it destroy me physically and mentally. I give all my time on a person who ignore me and miscommunicate me and believe on his other friends. He wasn’t the greatest person to be with because he was mean about people and laugh at bad fortune even is his crush Prayyy rappee on me it wasn’t fun. Even when his own best friend harass and be mean to me he doesn’t do nothing and let him be very mean to me. He didn’t care how mean my motherrr was toward me. I think that why my parents like him because he wasn’t going take me away he was useless. Spending my whole midddlee-college on someone who act like he going care and be there. Many people say move on. When u watch people toxic relationship through movie then you realize how manipulative people can be and pretend to be good people. That why I took a long break from boyfriend it was time to heal. Now it affected me for live to be in pain until I diee. I think I did want mini babies but things happen. I know my purpose is to help many people. Living a difficult environment full of hate and jealous wasn’t fun. I have to go heal in a place that wasn’t in nc but out of nc. I open my eyes and saw many people want me to live
I don’t want to waste anyone time because I don’t know if I make it, they told me if I do make it. It be most painfully recovery process. Meaning it might take years in a facility. I don’t want to wasted someone money and time.
When someone cause more stress and not put your medical needs. Sigh 😔 very immature and vile. Cause more injuries. Very sad. Disrespect me so much. Sorry 😢 it dog injuries bite! Cry 😭
Sigh I never understood about lazy witches who make men/ people pay for everything especially used pity card about being single mother and so forth. Tf smh 🤦♀️. Not a fan of them because the one I meet and grew up knew how toxic their relationship is and such. They play victim into having kids and whine about it 24/7. Then let their kids be abusive or grew mess up. Not all but most of them I seen. They have constantly sexual things with many guys and pretend they’re a good mother when they’re not. Cheating and dating isn’t good mom. Especially be like I’m a single mother with 3 kids and no one want to help me. I’m like tf so many people help you. You need to help yourself and they need to help themselves always make me wake up every morning and noon just so they could walk 4 minutes up a hill. Think they’re the most disrespectful ones too from bad people. Sigh 😮💨. People like them don’t deserve kids. Honestly people who can’t have kids would love and afford their kids and not have a crazy mess up version of themselves. I’m grateful I got to see many karmatic event against those whiney, self centered women who play victim into being who they’re. Realize many people bad mouth about them 24/7 so they cry and get upset about it. Thanks for bad mouthing me when you got cancer! You still poor and Cryingg for being poor. Even the girls call you Miss piggy! I do seen some single mom who do better and don’t rely on anyone or work together! Remarried due to hardship. Remember this Hmong realtor she was kind to me about this notary and was curious about why I come to do it by myself. I saw how fancy her house, car and how supportive her family is with each other. She didn’t want to take money from me cause she knew I was suffering. I saw her beautiful tattoo about her ex husband who passed away in a car accident on her arm. It show her husband went to kingdom of heaven. I thought that was tragic because her baby was less than 2 years old and she was with her new husband when he was divorce too. I think women like her who was single mom who went for single dad is good and not sleep around and play around with men. Many I seen who just party like no tommorrow and drink and smoke 💨. Just randomly hook up: Most of them make me babysit there kids a lot when I’m like 🙄 they’re so damn disrespectful towards me! Cry about being poor or doing bad things! Smh 🤦♀️
Sorry booooos it stressful 😥 car issues that almost freaking done ugh 😣 change the spark plug, throttle body sensor, camshaft, oil pump, fuel injector and painfully last for now is catalytic converter with 02 sensors. Ugh The stressors! Lmfao been stranded there since January cry now it almost May OMFG. Good part is if I was stuck somewhere else I be suffering alone without no help. The city city where there trains, bus, subways, uber/lyft, minority, close stores all together. Free parking 🅿️ 24/7 . Ability to have help fix my car back n forth to do those things. If my car was dead in country side. I would have lose a lot of money. 😭😭😭😭 Strugggle alone getting it fix. Sigh 😮💨 The good thing about that city every car auto part store is close and laundromat, dollar store too. If I was stuck anywhere else I be suffering 😭. It slowly getting fix. Yay! Ugh the struggle is real. Worry about tie rod n other stuff later. Ugh 😑 I get $$$ to have ppl do it faster n easier. Stressor of having a high mileage car. The defendant made me suffer cry. If only warranty came to cover it soon. The struggle is real plus dealership can be scammy as well too. Smh 🤦♀️
