I have three more collabs to drop which I’ll honestly be doi..
Added 2025-05-08 22:19:50 +0000 UTCI have three more collabs to drop which I’ll honestly be doing this weekend.
This may be the last of it. Forever? Idk
To tell you really why, would be verbose and nauseating.
Yet I can’t help myself ha
I’m just really unhappy with my appearance. It’s an issue that I’m working on but I just had facial feminization surgery in September and I feel worse. It’s a terrible feeling and it affects my ability to do this job and honestly live life.
Some days are good and some content I actually like. Mostly it’s the opposite.
I do have things to look forward too. I have a rhinoplasty and lip lift in July and maybe if I win my appeal and insurance covers my body feminization, I’ll also get that later this year. I’ll be done with smoking too, hopefully that will help with since things ha
But I’m moving to Oregon with my partner here in July too and we’ll be living with her parents and two sisters for three to six months until we have steady jobs and saved up enough to get our own place. Realistically, making content won’t be possible during that time. I know, fml haha
It really breaks my heart and I’m really embarrassed to be writing this even. I’ve given 5 years of my life to this work, sacrificed plenty and my whole transition has been entangled in this. I hardly know who I am tbh. I’m terrified because I don’t have any special skills and working full time and this always helped me make enough money to not stress about finances but I suppose I’ll need to endure “real life”.
I thought, what if I keep up the page and just mark down the subscription price and just leave it until I’m ready? I guess, I don’t know. I feel ugly and the thought of content, 90% of it, being here just makes me feel shame and embarrassment.
I am going to therapy, addressing bipolar with meds finally, hopefully getting something for my adhd soon but none of that works fast enough to ameliorate the situation.
Thank you guys for your support. I’ll let you know once and if I decide to turn off subscriptions and delete this account. Within this month most likely. Hope the best for all of you ❤️❤️❤️
